No Man's Land

Whenever I go through long bouts of time between entries, be it online or on paper, it is due to one of two reason. 1) Nothing exciting has happened or 2) So much has happened, that I'm not sure where to start.

This time it is both.

The last time I wrote, I alluded to having to reapply for my job. This was one of a multitude of school related projects I was working on at the end of last year. I'll spare you the nitty-gritty details; didn't get the job. I left on good terms with the folks in my building, but no amount of good will would get me psyched to take up job-hunting as a full time hobby again. I felt (feel?) like three years of my life spent thumbing through want ads and littering the Internet with my resume was enough. So, I put in enough applications to credibly tell people I was looking, but in reality just got comfortable with the idea of going back to outdoor ed and subbing. I went from 14 hour days, to coming to terms with walking away from full-teaching for yet another indefinite period of time.

One of the my applications was for the "Academic Support Specialist" at the school I'd just come from. That is the person who runs our "In School Alternative Learning Program" or, as it is more commonly referred to, in-school suspension. I applied right after it opened, but didn't hear anything all summer. That is until Thursday. Last Thursday. Six days ago. School started today.

I had mixed feelings about be welcoming back my students from last year, explaining to them what my new job is, and telling them I hope I don't see them too much this year.

I'm excited to have a job, especially since this one comes with health insurance (Imagine- me, going to the doctor like one of those "fancy people" who get yearly physicals and don't have to take a "if I ignore this, it'll probably just go away" mindset). THAT BEING SAID, I don't think I'm going to shock anyone by saying this is not my dream job. I won't teach any classes. I'll only be working with the kids who can't handle themselves in other people's rooms. On paper, it is a paraprofessional position- meaning I could have about half the educational experience I have and still be overqualified.

Being me, my mind kicks into it's standard, "What does it all mean?" mode. Most people tend to get better jobs as their career progresses. Not me. In the past 5 years I have gone from making $45,000 a year (plus benefits) and living on my own to $15 an hour and starting year two of living with my parents.

This is not where I wanted to be, but maybe that's the point.

I'm not super religious, but I do believe there is some guiding force out there nudging us in one direction or another. I have a hard time believing that all this shifting around and these unfulfilled expectations are for naught. I think there is something big for me on the horizon. Maybe not for this year or even next year, but it's coming and it looks nothing like the high school English courses I was convinced were the only thing I wanted to do when I started getting into education as an undergrad. Let's recap the resume:

• Helped create a mentoring program for high school students looking toward college
• Taught English Language Arts at the 7th, 10th and 12tbh grade levels
• Got roped into being a "Literacy coach" (a job I knew nothing about)/ teaching study skills when I myself had been a disorganized student
• Taught/ tutored students from urban, suburban & rural areas. From poverty levels to the upper 5% of the nation's income earners
• Was the assistant director at a private tutoring company- managed a staff, built a study skills program, and talked extensively with "helicopter" parents
• Substitute taught across all grade levels and subject areas- including significant exposure to Alternative and Special education
• Worked a MULTITUDE of unskilled labor/ hospitality/ retail jobs throughout along side people of diverse educational backgrounds (I was not the only one with an advanced degree stocking shelves at Michaels during the recession. I also learned that just because you didn't go to college, doesn't mean you're not smart).
• Took a job with an emphasis on literacy skills for struggling readers and work on a year-long independent study
• Interwoven through all this- Residential summer camp and outdoor education work with an emphasis on leadership and group dynamics
• And now- Academic Support Specialist running a program that emphasizes personal accountability and community service.

I don't know what all that adds up to, but I have a hard time believing it's nothing. Since I was 16 years old, I have ALWAYS had a job that somehow involves education. Only a handful I truly loved; some I downright loathed. While I've taken a few breaks here and there (usually to run off to another job working with kids in a different capacity), I've never turned my back on it entirely. There is something to that.

So we'll see how this goes. What I can glean from it. I suppose my official "2nd First Year" is over, but I can neither say that this feels like going back to something familiar, nor does it feel like starting from scratch. I am simultaneously somewhere new and where I have always been. On the periphery of classroom teaching. Somewhere in no man's land.